Highlights & Lowlights:

Highlights:
- premium economy with British Airways
- Table Mountain tour
- shopping in Stellenbosch
- Robben Island tour & guide
- meeting the ladies at Diaz Coffee Shop in Luderitz
- riding the sand dunes in Walvis Bay with Ben, "I'm not a Cowboy" (he was)
- meeting Chris & Nancy, Dennis & Maribeth
- our day in St. Helena
- Terry Bishop historian, comedian, folk singer
- the sea days weather
- a Texan & fries for lunch
- drinks package, 400 free internet minutes, $300 credit
- sailing into Rio
- The Belmond Hotel (location, style, room, staff)
- Iguazu Falls
- the views from Sugar Loaf & Christ the Redeemer
- the Rio Samba Show
- visiting the Maracana Stadium
- the company of Sue & Dennis
- Mohammed & Isobel
- Vivian (Marina waiter)

Lowlights:
- Cape Town logistics and all the queues
- the patronising Marina reception staff
- Stevie-Jo, comedian (not)
- onboard internet
- Trivia
- no room at the Rio Sofitel for Sue & Dennis
- the Aquila Game Reserve
- Alles Bleue wine tasting
- The Belmond Hotel (prices, restaurant)
- the rain at Iguazu
- our lack of appreciation of tour itineraries in Brazil; too much assumed
- the twice visited Rio restaurant
- the Caesar Park hotel rooms
- the lack of good manners of too many people onboard ship
- the traffic in Rio

Thoughts & Observations:
- Our first experience of the larger Oceania ships, we would return to the smaller ones if/when we cruise again.
- We left too much to the travel agent with regard to our Rio experience
- Oceania not quite as good as we first experienced, or or we just getting more fussy?
- The cost between turning left and turning right in an unknown town can be enormous.
- It continues to be great to meet new people

Thursday 17th December;

Well our amazing trip comes to an end today, and we will leave for the airport around 7.30pm this evening. This morning we head of to the Maracana Stadium for a tour, the Macarana as our friend Judy thought. A private car is hired on the basis of waiting and returning us as well. The hotel doorman suggests this might be better than trying to hail a taxi outside, given that it's opposite a favela, well I guess he would say that, gets him some commission I'm sure, but it certainly made it easy for us and the driver spoke pretty good English as well.

With 30 or 40 others we join the one hour guided tour of the stadium, visiting the press area, the VIP area, the dug-out and one of the dressing rooms; it's an impressive place with plenty of ghosts, especially the loss to Uruguay in the 1950 final. Interestingly the 2014 semi-final lost 1-7 to Germany was not played here, only the final between Argentina & Germany.

Lunch back at the roof top bar/pool and it seems guests take second place to the renovation work going on and the photo-shoot going on. Folks from the US Track & Field management team are here also, checking out accommodation in readiness for the Olympics next July/August. I suspect they will not be recommending the Caesar Park. For a supposed 5* hotel the overhaul and decoration is incredibly sloppy, worse than DIY, ;et alone professional decorating, but hey this is Brazil as JB kept reminding us, Rio is "jerry-built".

Wednesday 16th December:

Botanical Gardens, a stroll along Ipanema beach, and Rio by Night are the days treats. The gardens are somewhat jaded, there's not too much colour, and the Rose Garden contains a single rose, maybe the wrong time of the year, but it's all pleasant enough. A good lunch before we leave makes up for it and we cab it back to the hotel.

The management team at the hotel are on the case of the cancelled rooms and they seem to be taking it quite seriously. Sue & Dennis hear a little more, and find yet another booking agent seems to have been involved in the chain, which makes you wonder how much of a cut each of these agents take.

I take a stroll along the beach, take a few snaps and watch some beach "keepie-uppie", played like volley ball, three touches allowed to return the ball over the net. Not surprising that the Brazilians have such ball skills if they learn them on the beach like this.

We are collected late for our evening's entertainment, and endure a meal at the same restaurant where we had lunch yesterday. The place is very rowdy with a birthday party next to us making an awful din, definitely not impressed. The show is brilliant however, the costumes, the drummers, the acrobats, and the guy "with all the moves", much better than expected, oh and I forgot the girls were pretty hot as well.

The lovely Isabel finds us waiting to go out and confirms that we can have a late check out which is great, time for a shower and a change of clothes before we leave for the airport.

Tuesday 15th December:

A ten hour day touring the sights of Rio, well three of them anyway. Most of the day is spent on a coach though as we collect people from various hotels and navigate through the heavy traffic. A mild day by Rio standards for this time of year, but the thermometer reaches 38 degrees C, and the humidity is high.

John the Baptist is our guide for the trip to Rio Cathedral and then up Sugar Loaf Mountain, or JB as he more modestly prefers to be called. A lawyer in a previous life he thinks Margaret Thatcher should come and sort his country out, as we discuss the process of impeachment for corruption that the Brazilian President is currently undergoing. He despises the corruption and explains that is why he gave up the law and became a tour guide. He also explains that he will be in Germany for three months whilst the Olympics is on in Rio, as he is convinced that there will be a big terror attack. He waxes lyrical and talks about the "jerry-built" buildings that are going up, but that will crumble not long afterward. An interesting guy, but he hands us over to Louis, our lunch host.

The trip up Sugar Loaf is by cable car, and in two parts. The cars travel very quickly, must faster than the ones on Table Mountain. It's not crowded at all and we stroll around the top for 45 minutes and stare at the spectacular views across Rio harbour.

Lunch is in a large restaurant and is an impressive affair with an amazing array of salads, with which we all overfill our plates, except Sue who manages a stick of celery and a lettuce leaf. Once we have tucked into this feast the meat arrives, and continues to arrive at one minute intervals for the next half an hour. The meat is roasted on skewers and carved at the table, chicken, lamb, fillet steak, sausages. JB had advised us not to take too much salad, and save space for the meat, did we listen, of course not.

We are regaled through lunch by an Australian couple on a two month tour of South America, finishing off with Christmas in the Antarctic. An evening out the night before got quite frisky when they witnessed a shoot out between police and other unspecified bad boys, assault rifles the lot, and people stood there and took photographs, must say I didn't see that tour advertised anywhere.

Lorna chats to two separate girls from Tokyo, and introduces them to one another, and yes, two new Facebook friends are born.

The afternoon tour is led by an anonymous guide who takes us on the tour up to visit Christ the Redeemer, over 700 meters high above Rio. The journey is by a rack and pinion railway, and although pretty crowded is fantastic. The views across the whole of Rio are stunning, and the statue is some 40 metres high so no one can stand in front and get in the way.

After the large lunch we stay in the hotel for a snack supper, and join a boisterous crowd on level 23 to watch the sunset.

Monday 14th December:

Many days to remember on this trip, today was a day to forget. Neither of us in a great frame of mind, mostly driven by the value for money, or lack of it from The Belmond Hotel; our meal last night costing not far shy of £100. We checked out before breakfast and were asked if we had enjoyed our stay. to which we replied Yes & No. Great hotel, fantastic location, very friendly staff, but overpriced, particularly the restaurant, and on top of that very poorly organised service.

As if to prove our point Lorna's ordered eggs never arrive, and although you can get champagne or Buck's Fizz free with your breakfast, you have to pay for a bottle of water, now that's taking the piss; I just bloody hate being taken for a ride.

Transfers are on time, but the plane is delayed an hour, and we are given the fright of our lives when we think Sue & Dennis have not got on the plane. Is this the Rio flight I ask, yes is the reply, but our friends are supposed to be in row 28 and it's empty. The flight attendant puts a call out for Mr & Mrs Carter, and we find they are sitting up the front, having been called before going through the departure gate and told row 28 has technical problems, the cushions have been removed, probably because someone puked on them on the inbound flight.

We get separate rides into Copacabana, only to find the Sofitel has not managed to resolve the cancelled room for Sue & Dennis. Our timing is good however, because Mohammed is the Duty Manager, and he's raring to solve our conundrum, which in the end he does, getting all of us transferred down to Caesar Park, a sister hotel of The Sofitel. He explains he is sitting on -19 rooms for the next day, so many other problems need to be resolved. We are never to know what the standard of our room would have been, especially as we're told we both have upgrades at Caesar Park.

Caesar Park flatters to deceive and although it's had a coat of paint, in fact our floor reeks of paint, the rest of the room is shabby, the bathroom is shabby and the safe doesn't work. Lorna makes friends with Isabel and we get a move, a little better, but with a stunning view looking down Ipanema Beach. We dine in the hotel restaurant, at half the cost of the Belmond, and with better service.

Anyway we're settled back into Rio after a trying day; at least the weather is fabulous and so is the outlook for tomorrow.

Sunday 13th December:

The forecast was not good, rain was promised, and rain it did, in stair rods between 10.00 and 14.00. By 10.00 we had completed our tour for the day, a walk of the Brazilian side of the falls. When we booked, Dave at Savvi told us that the Brazilian side was best for viewing the falls (not sure), and had the best hotel, the Belmond (almost certainly true, a beautiful hotel). Sue & Dennis we find have a tour that takes them to both the Brazilian side and the Argentinian side.

We hook up with Neto our guide, and decide that at $160 for him and the car to take us to the other side, is not worth it, and given the oncoming rain, probably the right decision. Sue & Dennis enjoyed the tour, but were continually soaked, in the rain complete with thunder and lightening, and unable to get their camera out.

We sit by the poolside, under a large umbrella, with a cappuccino, and watch the rain hammer down. We lunch on the veranda and sit there most of the afternoon. As I forecast the cloud clears and the sun comes out again, and I do this morning's walk in reverse. This time I ensure I stay dry, unlike earlier when we found the places where the spray drenched you in seconds, all to record the visit appropriately.

By any measure, Iguazu Falls is a monster.It spans an area 2.7 kilometers wide. It's made up of a system of 275 waterfalls or cataracts, with the exact number depending on the season. The tallest of these waterfalls, called the Devil's Throat, drops by more than 80 meters into a milky abyss that creates a permanent cloud of mist.

To put that in perspective, Iguazu Falls is nearly twice as tall as Niagara Falls and rivaled only by Zambia and Zimbabwe's Victoria Falls, which is taller at 108 meters. It's nearly three times as wide as Niagara Falls and significantly wider still than Victoria Falls.

The amount of water pouring from these falls to the Iguazu River is equally staggering. On average, about 1,500 cubic meters of water flows every second. Depending on the time of the year, the rate of water flow can be as much as 13,000 cubic meters per second, enough to fill five Olympic swimming pools, especially during the rainy months of November to March.

It's little surprise then that the river that the water flows into, as well as the waterfalls, are both named Iguazu, which literally means "big water" in native Guarani Indian language.

Saturday 12th December:

A farewell to the folks we have met, Dennis & Maribeth, and Chris & Nancy. Both have offered us accommodation should we visit either Oklahoma, Florida or Colorado; we just need an itinerary, and one that takes in Mission Viejo as well.

We also say farewell to a plethora, is that the correct collective noun, of gay male couples on the cruise. I can't remember quite so many, may be a cruise presents a pretty safe environment for them. We are even on quite chatty terms with the Austro/German couple.

As expected chaos surrounded the terminal with hundreds of people trying to find their contacts, and their contacts trying to get their vehicles anywhere close to load people and luggage. Our man Carlos does a good job and gets us to the Sofitel at the end of Copacabana beach. They are happy to store one case for us until we return from Iguazu in two days time. Irritatingly Dennis & Sue arrive to find their accommodation has been cancelled.

The only noteworthy item on the drive out to the airport is the young men who sells food items on the motorway, 10-20 of them weaving their way through speeding traffic, and some of them probably no older than six or seven years. Also of note is the bare chest syndrome, it seems that in Rio "skin is in" and the more you expose the more current you are, especially along the Copacobana.

A fairly uneventful flight from Rio down to Foz dos Iguacu, and arrival at the fabulous Belmond Cataratas Hotel, the only one inside the National Park. We upgrade for a room with a view of the Falls, or more accurately, a view of the spray and mist generated by the Falls. Some confusion over what the time is as we have put our watches back again on the flight down, only to find the plane is on Argentinian time, and of course we're still in Brazil. A rush out to see the sun set over the Falls, and then to dinner, which almost reaches Faulty Towers heights with a large number of seemingly incompetent waiters.

The food is good, but expensive, and for the first time we have to look at prices of both food and drink following two weeks of giving a hoot on the Marina. Our meal, two courses, and three bottles of Stella, served as if it was wine by being returned to the ice bucket, costs us 340R, or nearly £70.

The Belmond is a fabulous hotel, reminding us of The Victoria Falls Hotel, there's a connection there somewhere, old, spacious, colonial and expensive, oh for Cape Town prices.

The day gets even better when we watch the final minutes of Tigers great away win in Munster on Lorna's Twitter feed, 19-31, can't wait for the return at Welford Road next Sunday.

Friday 11th December:

An early arrival in Rio, one of the most scenic locations anywhere in the world for a "sail-in". The first symbol of Brazil and Rio is Sugar Loaf Mountain, or Corcavado, a large finger of rock that dominates the entrance to Rio harbour. Christ the Redeemer, 710 metres above Rio stays elusively behind cloud, but is actually too far away to get a decent shot of. The temperature is 30 deg and the humidity is high as we take an afternoon stroll. We don't get very far, but we do visit the oldest church in Rio, Sao Borte which has an amazing baroque interior. The traffic is gridlocked, mainly due to the pre-Olympic works going on to install a new tram system. This runs along the dockside all the way into, and I guess through the city. Access to the port is chaotic, and I'm really not sure where taxis can park, let alone any coaches.

Lorna manages to Face Time both Lucy & Hanna. Martha still not too well but she manages a few "Grandads", and "Grandmas", and her usual wave. Evie is her usual sulky self, barely willing to say hello; words will have to be had on our return. Dinner in Red Ginger, an Asian fusion cuisine, which of course Lorna didn't enjoy, but I did, a nice change of flavour.

Thursday 10th December:

The final sea day, and another double dose of Terry Bishop, in fact this should be renamed The Terry Bishop Cruise. A lecture in the morning about the history of Portugal an Brazil, and Pedro, apparently they were pretty well all called Pedro in Brazil. In the evening a session of highly amusing and risque folk songs entertained us into the night.

Lucy has posted news of the Hewerdine Twins on Facebook, something she rations fairly carefully; Lorna has given them the name Gem and I, or Gemini, clever or what, so from now on we have to refer to them as Gemini.

We are still trying to confirm a few details with Savvi Travel, but it seems that they can do nothing for Sue & Dennis, as they did not book with them. We have managed to arrange an earlier pick up at the port, taking us to the Sofitel, allowing us hopefully to leave a case, and arrange a late check out on 17th when our flight home is not until five past midnight on the 18th.

Wednesday 9th December:

The news of the day, well perhaps the news of the cruise, well perhaps the news of the year, Lucy' having twins, wowsers! Lorna picks this up on her email and she is beside herself, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, and spends the rest of the day doing both, sometimes at the same time. Champagne is ordered for the four of us and we toast Lucy & Neil. The practicalities of three children under two, if only briefly, are just dawning on us, how much space will our Saturday morning coffee in Costa now take up. The due date is June 12th, but Lucy is unlikely to go the full 40 weeks, so the births are likely to be before Martha is two. Lucy tells her news to all the family, and we worry briefly what Hanna's reaction will be......."She's properly trumped me know" is her first comment, but all seems well with Hanna & Evie coming round later to hear the news. Four grandchildren, and the twins will not be identical, 50% chance of one boy, one girl, 25% chance of two boys, or two girls. Prams, car seats, bedrooms, cots, buggies, high-chairs, OMG, the thoughts go on, and we're only the grandparents.

Not much else to report today, other than the usual sunshine, food, drink, and a second spinning sessions. Dinner with Dennis & Maribeth.

Now on a cruise the cross section of people is actually fairly small with regard to age, outlook, even wealth (everyone being able to afford a luxury cruise), but with one characteristic there is a very wide range, basic civility toward fellow passengers. There are too many people who for whatever reason fail to recognise the basics of "hello", "good morning", "I think you were here before me", and "thank you", or even a smile, etc, etc. Lorna & I are getting quite naughty as we make some people aware of there ignorance, which of course means we are now being rude. The man who was happy to jump the omelette queue had to be spoken to three times before he acknowledged I might have been in front of him; completely unaware of my existence. No thought of shall I check to  make sure no one is in front of me, no just march straight up regardless. The man along our corridor for whom we waited to pass, could  not manage eye contact, let alone a thank you. When we called him to task he could still  not manage a word, only a look of great irritation, tosser!

Maybe it is too much to expect the same civility from everyone, but the difference between those that do offer it, and those that do not, is stark.

Tuesday 8th December:

Lorna contacts Savvi Travel to hopefully rearrange our pick up at the port in Rio. We have to disembark by 09.00 on the 12th, but our arranged pick up is not planned until 13.15, too long to sit around waiting with our luggage. We are trying to arrange to cab it to the Sofitel, leave some luggage there, and then have the pick up there. We get a reply before being unable to get into Gmail for the rest of the day; the pick up will now be 09.15, but the hotel is fully booked on the 17th, but Dave is trying for a late departure.

Today it's time to be proud of being British as Terry Bishop tells the story of The Falklands War in his own Inimitable style; 74 days before the Argies surrendered and a reminder of the great Sun headline, "Gotcha", after our submarine HMS Conqueror sunk the Belgrano with the loss of 323 lives. Terry recalls it was a very close call, as 13 enemy bombs failed to explode after they landed on ships in the waters off Port Stanley. The reason they failed was because they had to come in very low to get under our radar, but that the fuses then failed to detonate. Had they detonated the outcome of the war could have been very different.

A couple of very short rain showers between hot sunny weather, so sunbathing and eating and drinking fill most of the day, apart from the spinning class which I try for the first time. Quite tough but good exercise, but it seems like I've shaken the stomach about and the acid has returned. I cannot eat very much in Toscana, and fail to even finish my beer. Entertainment if you can call it that is Stevie Jo, the comedian, and we seat ourselves strategically for an early exit, which we put into action; he must be one of the most dire acts we have seen on a cruise ship, and there are several contestants for that accolade.

The highlight of our day is pre-dinner drinks with Nancy & Chris, who we have both taken to. Their suite if not the full 2,000 sq ft Owners Suite, but a mere 1,000 sq ft Oceania Cabin at the back of the ship. It is beautifully appointed and even sports an outdoor hot tub complete with TV. The problem with these massive suites is you would begrudge it every time you had to leave it and mix with the proletariat. Chris still consults for the Endless Pools business for half of the year, for around 10 days a month. He travels round the US meeting with customers who have their pools and who might wish to let them be utilised for promotional events.

Our 400 minutes of free internet runs out today, and we purchase an"any time" package for the remaining few days for $100, which will still leave us in credit by the end of the trip. Lorna has seen some shoes she rather likes, for me; I like them also, but do I really need another pair of shoes, of course I................?

Monday 7th December:

I wake to find our toilet full with brown effluent/excrement, and that after yellow/murky water in both sink and bath yesterday. The bathroom stank, but cleared after flushing, second report coming soon. Same again this afternoon, and I report again via telephone and then we both pay a visit. I'm not sure why, but every time we visit the Reception, we come away feeling we're being patronised, that they don't really listen to you, and there is a complete lack of communication. I found an engineer on return to the room and the best I got from him was two or three grunts, from which I interpreted it had been fixed. He did come back later to check again.

Our first of four sea days and perfect sunbathing weather; I finish my book about the life of Father Dmitry, a fascinating insight into the way that the Soviet Union and the KGB in particular handled the dissidents, and the network of gulags and the towns and villages that surrounded them, that are now dying out. Bridge of Spies next I think, more Cold War stuff and of course a new film starring Tom Hanks.

Our impression of Oceania is that it is not quite as special as it was when we first sailed with them in 2009, the food does not wow quite as it used to, and the extra costs seem excessive. They are now owned by NCL, Norwegian Cruise Lines, so maybe things are changing, or maybe of course we are getting more demanding. Having said all that we certainly got a great deal this time via Readers Offers, and we are still well in credit on our shipboard account, which Lorna wants to transfer to Sue & Dennis's to reduce what they will have to pay.

Day finished with a visit to the lounge to hear Vincenzo, the guitar virtuoso who is brilliant. Not sure we would go out of our way to listen to such a performance at home, but this man is undoubtedly a top act, which is more than can be said of Stevie Jo, who has the stage again tomorrow evening.

Sunday 6th December:

Well there's remote, and then there's really remote, and today we've done really remote. I thought Western Mongolia was pretty remote, but with only six hours drive to an airport, albeit over rough terrain, it's nowhere as remote as St. Helena. Everest Base Camp is pretty remote, nine or ten days walk in or out, but if an emergency arises, you might get helicoptered out. St. Helena is too far away from anywhere to make use of helicopters. This will all change next year when the new airport is completed, just how will that change the lives of the Saints, will St. Helena become a tourist destination other than for a day via a cruise ship? The Harbourmaster, Steve, who we chatted to for half an hour as we queued to board a tender, married to a Saint, and now a resident of four years was brought up in Kingsbury, and has supported Spurs all his life, such a small world.

Out taxi driver, Brian Coleman would you believe, had visited the UK this year, Greenford, Middlesex, and explained that to get anywhere from St. Helena you have to take the RMS St. Helena, their supply ship, and take four days to Ascension Island, or similar to Cape Town, and it's not cheap either, £400 for such a trip. From Ascension you can get an RAF flight back to the UK, and that's another £500. This probably explains why one of the guides we spoke to in Longwood House, aged 78, had never left the 47 square miles of the island. St. Helena does has a dark underbelly however, and a British QC is currently down here investigating reports of endemic child abuse.

Four thousand people live on the island, and today it was beautiful, the sun shining, the flowers in full bloom, and all hands to the pump for one of the dozen or so cruise ships that visit the island each year. If you're one of four thousand, and one ship comes and deposits 1250 people onto your island, then you pull all the stops out to make a few bob, but I have to say without ripping anyone off. Without a trip planned, and expecting all vehicles to have been commandeered, we picked up a taxi easily and embarked on the tour of the island. The Briars, where Napoleon spent his first few weeks on the island, his tomb, Longwood House where he spent his final six years, and finally Plantation House, the residence of the current Governor of the island were the points of interest.

We stop at the top of Jacob's Ladder as we return to Jamestown, and I take the easier descent, all 699 steps; would have liked to try the ascent but it would have taken too much time, and I'd have been a sweaty wreck, not a good look. A photograph with Napoleon outside the Consulate Hotel and it's back to the ship, only to find we have to stand in line for 30-40 minutes in the hot sun. Evening dinner is in the Polo Grill, and I have to say the food was less than average, a dry steak, my second underwhelming steak in two days, what's going on here? More underwhelming still was the singing of the young lady in Horizons for the late night Rock 'n Roll session, although some of those dancing made up for it with vigour, if not quality with their Grandad dancing!

Saturday 5th December:

Two visits to the Marina Lounge today, in the morning to hear the concluding talk from Terry Bishop on the life of Napoleon to another packed audience and for the evening show from an English comedian called Stevie Jo, yes the famous Stevie Jo. Apparently he has been on the BBC, before his career reached new heights in the pubs and clubs of Tenerife and cruise ships. No, never heard of him either, and with an act that is 30 years out of date will be happy to never hear from him again. Terry meanwhile gave us all the history of St. Helena and in particular the period between 1815 and 1821 when Napoleon was here at His Majesty's pleasure. This is the island's main claim to fame, where he stayed with his entourage at Longwood House and was buried nearby, only to be exhumed 19 years later to be taken back to France and buried with the full honours of an Emperor in Les Invalides.

A partially cloudy day but very warm, definitely tanning weather, we must be under a weak part of the ozone layer as we both have lobster like areas, me my feet and my forehead, Lorna her legs. We compare notes with Sue & Dennis regarding the Brazilian part of our journey, and it is by and large the same, contracted via the same tour operator as us, Blumar.

Another trip to the gym, and it seems like hard work, probably due in part to the good lunch and two glasses of Chardonnay. Now I always thought I didn't like Chardonnay, but I've found La Terre, a Californian Chardonnay, and I must say it slips down a treat. Along with a very smooth Mondavi Merlot, I'm enjoying the wine, albeit that I'm watching my intake as I wish to keep my digestion under control, which it seems to have been for the last couple of days, fingers crossed. 

We are enjoying the company of Sue & Dennis and invariably having a good laugh. We had dinner last night with them and an American couple we are cultivating, who have homes in Florida (not far from Bud & Dava), and Colorado, should we ever decide to take up skiing. He is part owner of a company that makes endless swimming pools, how would you like one of those in your garden Hanna,  you could train for your 5K swim twice a day.

Friday 4th December:

A comfortable night and a lazy lay in before breakfast somewhere around 9am. We team up with Chris & Nancy, our companions from the game drive back in Aquila. A really easy going couple from Florida and Colorado, and dinner planned with them tomorrow evening. Chris is a part owner of a company that makes endless swimming pools, called Endless Pools, must have taken some creative work to come up with that. They lived in the UK in Derbyshire near Ashbourne  a few years back when they opened up the market in England. Having seen Mary Hardwick's endless pool, I wonder is she has one of theirs. The weather is pleasantly warm with a light breeze, and sunbathing on the upper deck is the order of the day. I commit the cardinal sin of not applying sun cream to all of my feet, and they are lobster red by the end of the day. An hour more and they would have been very uncomfortable.

Lorna finishes her first book, Ice Twins, one of those that were not enjoyed but you had to finish it now that you had started. I have settled in to The Last Man is Russia, and glad I persevered. Oliver Bullough describes very well how in order to make everyone equal, a totalitarian/communist state works and holds its citizens in a permanent state of mis-trust and isolation from one another, leaving them sullen, depressed and in an alcoholic haze.. This is the tale of the period after the death of Stalin through the cold war years, the ear of Krushchev, Brezhnev, Andropov etc. Eat your heart out Jeremy Corbyn, is this how you would have us in the UK. Half the book still to go, but hopefully will finish it before the end of the cruise.

The afternoon sees us listening to Terry Bishop again, this time the story of Napoleon, part I. This guy is brilliant, and if he wasn't, would have made one of the great history teachers, His delivery and the graphics that accompany it hold me and all of the audience for 55  minutes of non-stop history. I wasn't particularly interested in Napoleon, but went to hear Terry, definitely wasn't disappointed and will try to get to Part II, if we have breakfast in time.

Our evening starts in Martinis as usual for the now obligatory G&SlimlineT. Our new friends are Rosemary & Ian. She is a very attractive, sassy lady from New Jersey, he is every inch a Scotsman, hailing from Glasgow. It sounds like he was commander of a military regiment as he tells us that of the four kilts he owns, and forgot to pack for the trip, one of them was presented to him by the Queen, some time back I suspect. They are a couple but they live on different continents. However, with half the year spent cruising they do spend a lot of their time together. After a ten day break for Christmas, they leave early in January for a 180 day World cruise with Oceania.

A late dinner and sufficiently tired not to want to go up to Horizons for a Motown tribute session.

We are picking up the news from home as they have BBC World and all the other TV channels here, as well as the UK papers printed on the day, something new. So we are aware that Labour have comfortable held the Oldham by-election, and that parliament voted by a large majority to bomb ISIL in Syria. No one can be happy about this, but we need to show solidarity with the other nations that are taking the lead here, namely the US and France; Russia have their own agenda of course. Another bizarre mass shooting in the US, this time a Social Services centre in San Bernardino, California. More American citizens and been killed by other US citizens on US soil in the last ten years than all the US servicemen and women since WWII, breathtakingly unbelievable. Why fight wars abroad when the biggest war sustaining the most fatalities is at home. The answer is to arm everyone, give everyone a gun from the age of five, and this will ensure that everyone can defend themselves. If all the people in the Social Services centre had had guns, no one would have been killed, right?

Thursday 3rd December:

A late night, with the alarm set of 5.45am so that we can leave at 7.45am to pick up a hire car. The plans are changed due to my troublesome stomach and palpitations which give me considerable grief when I awake around 2.30am. No headache, but perhaps this is due to too much alcohol, maybe too many peanuts who knows, but I guess I need to cut down on a pre-dinner G&T, two healthy glasses of red wine with dinner, and a large Grand Marnier on the rocks. Whatever, my heart seems to be pounding, and is still pounding, albeit not quite as bad as earlier, as the alarm goes, and so a change of plans. I pass on breakfast and we agree to just mosey round Walvis Bay, via the Shuttle Bus. Our guide of yesterday who promised to pick us up is nowhere to be seen, and is not around at 8.00am, so that would have changed our plans anyway.

Our stroll round Walvis Bay lasts no more than a block, it really has nothing to offer, and although cruise ships have been stopping here for several years, apart from the local tour companies, the town itself has not provided anything to keep tourists in the town, rather than heading out into the desert. We take a cab into Swakopmund, and stroll around there for a couple of hours, and as Ben said, it has grown substantially in the seven years since our last visit. The shanty town has been upgraded with many, many individual colourful substantial dwellings. A massive holiday village is growing rapidly along the oceanside on the outskirts of town, and rest assured these dwellings are not for local people, but many second homes for people from South Africa and beyond.

Our taxi driver is a little flaky, but he gets us back to the shuttle, and we pay up $80 as agreed and I manage a Texan for lunch, that's burger and chips for lunch three days on the trot, and boy you would have to go a long way to find better burgers or chips, and I include those served by Rutland Lions. The sun comes out at last and we spend the afternoon sun bathing skipping Trivia, as we haven't really got into it. It's venue in the Marina lounge, set out in theatre format, makes it unsuitable for a team to chat and agree on an answer, and our Scribe, is a bit lame, and we don't feel too committed to it at all.

Sue & Dennis come down for a pre-dinner drink in our cabin, as we have to dispose of our "champagne on arrival". Lorna wears her diamond earrings for the first time, and by my reckoning must be valued at somewhere in the region of £12K - £15K. I wear my new jacket, which I love and we look good as we go down for our first speciality restaurant dinner at Jacques. A lovely meal, although Lorna is not too impressed with either her souffle or her lamb. My souffle, identical to Lorna's is delicious, as are my sauteed scallops. But as tummy continues to rumble on, I drink very little, and pass on dessert. The evening is completed with a visit to Horizons to listen to Mark Daley, almost certainly another gay on this ship, singing Sinatra, Buble, Nat King Cole; an excellent singer but with nauseating sickly chat about how his family and his godson, pass the sick bucket.

Sue & Dennis are ideal cruise companions, easy going, funny, glad we teamed up with them. The clocks go back by one hour tonight and we have two days at sea as we make our way westward across the Atlantic to Jamestown, St. Helena.

Wednesday 2nd December:

10.00am and we're queueing to get off and meet up with Photo Ventures, always hoping that when a tour company advertises it as a "photo tour" the guide may firstly know where all the best places are, and have selected them specifically, and two, maybe they know a little bit of the technical side of photography. In our case today, we could have been taken anywhere, and it would be a great spot for a photo,  but definitely no photography tuition. Our guide is Ben, and he maintains, "I'm not a cowboy", well that's good then so we can rest easy as he careers up and down the most amazing sand dune landscape. We head south from Walvis Bay, yes should have mentioned we are in Walvis Bay today, the largest port in West Africa. We heading down to a delta area, with the sea on one side, and yes we do actually drive along the beach for some considerable distance, and towering sand dunes on the other.

There are four 4x4 vehicles, ours a 4.8 litre Nissan which drove as sweet as a nut, up and down 30 degree incline dunes effortlessly. We track a large Chinese group of maybe six vehicles, and Ben explains when he has guided Chinese people they keep shouting, Stop, Photo, Stop, Photo. Well maybe that's because like me they thought it was a Photo Tour Ben. We pass a group of paragliders using one the higher dunes to get airborne. Lunch is a small affair but atop a large dune, and well away from the Chinese who were still looking for places to take photos of each other pretending to be Winston Churchill. I manage to climb one of the higher dunes and get rewarded with magnificent views of Sandwich Harbour, which would have been breathtaking had the weather not be grey and somewhat overcast. The sun comes out for 15 minutes or so, and the light and shade plays on the dunes which stretch as far as the eye can see, and very much further, hundreds of kilometres in three directions, the fourth being the sea. This coast was notorious for sailors in the 1880s and early 1900s because of the fog which drove ships aground. Little did sailors that survived and reached the beach realise, that they had just come ashore on one of the most inhospitable coastlines in the world, with desert in all directions, and virtually all will have perished.

Dinner with Dennis & Mary-Beth, he a little on the serious side, she a lovely lady, and with Dennis & Sue, he quiet, relaxed and endlessly harangued, she a very good sparring partner, good company all four. We talk about many things, and as ever get onto energy, and shale gas. Dennis explains that in Oklahoma from whence they hail, they have daily earthquakes of varying scale, but certainly on a scale that we have been shaken by in Rutland, so please don't believe that everyone in the US supports fracking. Dennis is a psychiatrist, and has a very clear, articulate and thoughtful delivery, and I'm sure he's also a man of the church, could even see him as a lay preacher. Mary-Beth confirms their religious beliefs when they discuss the forthcoming wedding of one of their sons, and are clearly disappointed that he and his betrothed will not get married in church. MB has been a nurse and until retirement a Masters teaching nursing at their local university.

We finish the evening with Sue & Dennis in Horizons and are entertained again by Terry Bishop, as he sings and tells humorous anecdotes, very funny, and a good way to finish the day. 

Tuesday 1st December:

Fog as we wake and edge our way into the tiny port at Luderitz, a contrast to our visit seven years ago when the skies were a cobalt blue. It's cool and believe it or not Lorna has only brought one cardigan and guess what, it's doesn't match everything, so she as to take our walking trip around the town in her usual sleeveless blouse, impervious to the temperature. I remember the layout, but the town looks a little more down at heel than I remember it. The beautiful coffee shop, Diaz Coffee, has shut down, and the building is empty and looks worse for wear.

To our delight we come across the new Diaz Coffee Shop off a back street and and get called to come in only to notice the look of abject terror on Sue's face. Ignoring the look of abject terror we march in and order coffee; Sue takes no risks and has a Coke Zero. We find the original owners have sold up and returned to Windhoek, but let the new owners keep the name, and they've only been open for a month or so. Our chief barrista, Ndemtila Tilla Antonious, is charming and we have a good laugh with her, and get all the ladies that run the shop outside for a farewell photograph. I promise to hook up with my new "friend" on Facebook, and post the photograph. We part with a series of "high-fives" and a new hashtag #womenempowerment, a fitting title for the photograph.

Dinner with Sue & Dennis, and fortunately we're too late for the show, but I'm too sleepy for Karaoke, and Sue & Dennis think I've gone off them, which of course I have not, there're good fun company. Sue & I continue to trade insults, so copping off at 10.30 will receive some opprobrium tomorrow. When we look at our email, we see one from Jeff Davies, who is asking us for permission to transfer all our details to a colleague accountant. Jeff has been diagnosed with a heart condition, and has obviously been told that he must throttle back and reduce his workload. I confirm that we are happy to proceed with his recommendation.

Monday 30th November:

Exultation as we find a copy of Monday's Times of London in the Concierge Lounge, and a report of the Tigers Bath game at Welford Road. On a wet, windy and cold day, Welford Road is no place for the faint hearted and albeit outplayed for long periods of the game, Tigers beat Bath 21-11, with Bath missing a losing bonus point by eschewing a shot at goal for a line out at the death that they failed to convert. More amazing statistics revealed that Tigers have won 178 of 210 games at Welford Road since the start of the Premiership, and Bath have not beaten Tigers at Welford Road in the Premiership since 2003, oh deep joy!

A lazy day at sea, beginning with a very good talk about Namibia from a guy called Terry Bishop; he walked 120 miles across the Namib desert for charity, Adventure for Dementia, amazing that he remembered most of the story. Decide it was time to go to the gym, only to find the first two treadmills out of order, and the one I did use did not have the incline working, which meant I had to resort to, yes running, 25 minutes out of 50 minutes, and surprisingly, quite comfortable at 10kph.

We join the Trivia in the afternoon, hosted by Cruise Director Ray, a funny guy. It's always better when the Cruise Director does Trivia, because they put so much more into it. Our team USCANUK, a tri-nation combo, performs only moderately well, and we will need to have a clearly nominated scribe, not sure it will be Lorna, but we'll see how sharp her elbows are, and whether she can edge Ian out. The alternative name for a similar team in the past was CANUSUK, which pronounced correctly gets a laugh every time, doesn't it Ray?

Captain's party and of course we're a little late, and all the seats are occupied, it seems like you need to be at least 30 minutes early for anything if you want to miss the queue, or get a seat. Having said that, there were plenty of sun beds, even when the sun was out. Dinner again with Sue & Dennis, and I have to say they are good company, and we laugh a lot. Sue is good for a little bit of double entendre, and sometimes single entendre. The Thai Bride with the Bog Boobies keeps us amused for some time, and we have a long discussion as to whether she takes her enormous eye lashes off before having sex, or after, or keeps them on all night, and what would she look like without all the enhancements.

Lorna has taken to Marcela, and Marcela has taken to Lorna and they have a heart to heart about Marcela's friend who sadly has leukemia, and only 18 months to live. Lorna consoles her, and finds out that she used to be a pretty well known ballerina, and with her husband danced in many top shows and around the world. Interestingly her feet give the game away, the shape of her ankles suggest that she lives in nine inch heels or has been a ballerina, so yes the latter.

I start three books, The Lady in The Van, The Last Man in Russia, and A Penniless Adventure the Length of Britain. Couldn't get into the first, quite a way into the second, although faltering, and already having a good laugh at the third and only just read the first few pages. Seems like the humour will win through, although I still hope to finish the book about Russia and it's deep, alcoholic, declining population malaise.

Some discomfort during and after lunch, but a comfortable evening meal and a good night's sleep, no heartburn, no palpitations, no bread now for two days, will keep it up.